One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is
to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a
telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as
they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this:
|
| Me |
Telemarketer |
Hello |
Hello, this is AT&T... |
Is this AT&T? |
Yes, this is AT&T... |
This is AT&T? |
Yes This is AT&T... |
Is this AT&T? |
YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please? |
May I ask who is calling? |
This is AT&T. |
OK, hold on. (At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely,
this person would have hung up the phone. Much to my surprise, when I picked up
the receiver, they were still waiting.) |
Hello? |
Is this Mr. Byron? |
May I ask who is calling please? |
AT&T |
Is this AT&T? |
Yes, this is AT&T... |
This is AT&T? |
Yes, this is AT&T... |
Is this AT&T? |
YES! This is AT&T, is this Mr. Byron? |
Yes, is this AT&T? |
Yes sir. |
The phone company? |
Yes sir. |
I thought you said this was AT&T. |
Yes sir, we are a phone company. |
I already have a phone. |
We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron. |
Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling. |
|
(When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any
plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.) |
|
Mr. Byron we would like to
offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. |
Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but she at no
time used the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the
trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering. |
Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? |
(getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir that's right! 24 hours a day! |
7 days a week? |
That's right. |
365 days a year? |
Yes sir. |
I am definitely interested in
that! Wow!!! That's amazing! |
We think so! |
That's quite a sum of money! |
Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up. |
OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance? |
Excuse me? |
You know, the 10 cents a minute. |
What are you talking about? |
You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment. |
Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute. |
Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T? |
Well, yes this is AT&T sir but...... |
But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me! |
No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for..... |
THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please! |
Sir I don't think that is necessary. |
Sure! You say that now! What happens later? |
What? |
I insist on speaking to a supervisor! |
Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold on. |
So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm
waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food |
Mr. Byron? |
Yeth? |
I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program. |
Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth? |
Yes sir, it sure is. |
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my
laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort. |
No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan. |
OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you. |
Thank you. |
|
I was on hold once again and was getting really hungry. I needed to end this
conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone. |
| |
Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan? |
Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother... |
(click) |
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